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A Country Practice
Chords
Lyrics & ChordsClick chords to see diagrams
[Intro]
D Bm D Bm
[Verse 1]
I Dfeel like a beggar accepting Bmalms, Dthen being pelted with Bmfigs.
I Dstudy my steadily deBmclining chart placings; they Dgreet me with freezing cold inBmhospitality,
Hey, Dwhere did that bloke go who Bmsaid I was vital?D Bm
I Dpossess the mild air of a Bmretail tobacconist, Dthat’s because I’m a Bmretail tobacconist
But the Dmayflies on a BmBerkshire trout river would Dprobably tell you a Bmdifferent story
About Dham-fisted diadems and Bmmomentary daydreams
Of Dmythical dividends and Bmillusory boardroom seats.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm C D D Bm D Bm
[Verse 2]
In the Droom festooned with Bmfat beef certificates Dfrom county showsBm
DDuff Leg Bryn had Bmdrank too much again, Dmost of Wem was Bmsteering clear of him
D“I’ve got no time for this Bmtwelfth consecutive DRose Bowl”Bm
‘Cos on DSunday next at Bmten to four I’ve Dgot an inviBmtation for
A Dtrip round Kathrine BmHamnett’s warehouse, Dfollowed by dinner with BmDavid Emanuel
Who I Dcan’t wait to tell about my Bmdream in which the Dalmost illegal BmElton Welsby
Is Ddressed as a French maid on a Bmmoonless byway, Dlicking his lips as he Bmcreeps ever closer
DFast falls the Bmeventide, Dfast falls the Bmeventide.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm C D D Bm D Bm D Bm D Bm
[Verse 3]
The Dpublic appearance of Bmbitter ex-soap stars
Who Dthought they could go on and do Bmother things besidesD Bm
The DCentre Court amusement at the Bmballboy’s mishap
That Dbobbing up and down thing that they Bmdo at the Proms
ODpinionated weather forecasters Bmtelling me it’s going to be a Dmiserable day
BmMiserable to who? I quite Dlike a bit of drizzle, so Bmstick to the facts.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm Em D Em D
[Verse 4]
EmChannel Four presents “BlowjobD” introduced by EmAdrian and Sophie HornD
Who is of course one bloke with a Empierced dick who’s just had the Dnod from Planet 24.Em D
EmHear him say “surreal, biDzarre, sad git, Emyes indeedy, comDpletely and utterly
Footy, Emanorak and respect” Dbefore whipping the audience Emup into doing the Time Warp.D
EmWatch him take us live to “The DQueen’s Arse and Firkin”
Where EmJoseph Bloggs And His Amazing DTechnicolor Shellsuit
Are Emabout to abort their Steely DDan routine
And instead Emembark upon fifteen minutes of Dmantra-filled oompah.Em D
[Bridge]
N.C.
Fifteen minutes of mantra-filled oompah.
N.C.
Fifteen minutes of mantra-filled oompah.
EmAdrian stroke Sophie Dwants us, the viewers to ring inEm
And say how we think the Dpunters will react.
EmThese are a few of my Dfavourite things.Em
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm D Bm D Bm
[Verse 5]
I’m Dincredibly bored with the Bmword “millennium”
DI’m with the Jehovah’s WitnesBmses.
DMillions now earmarked will Bmlater be wasted
Her DMajesty, marvellous, BmMother – The Musical.
The Dfireworks lighting up the BmHouses of Parliament
DDeath in Trafalgar Square, Bmdeath in the armchair
Of Dclichéd old spinsters who’ve Bmnever been loved.
[Verse 6]
DEvery day is AusBmtralia Day, “DSons and Daughters” and “BmHome and Away”
And then the Dnews comes on and the Bmsound goes down
‘Cos she Dcan’t be bothered with Bmall them politicians
They’re Dall just a bunch of flaming Bmdrongo’s.D Bm
She Ddied with her telly on, eighty-Bmseven and confused
With Dnot enough hospital beds ‘cos all the Bmmoney’s been used
On the Dend of the century Bmparty preparations
And they Dreckon that the last thing she Bmsaw in her life was
DSting singing on the Bmroof of the Barbican, DSting singing on the Bmroof of the Barbican.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm C D
[Outro]
ET for Toxteth, T for Tennessee; AT for Toxteth, T for TennesEsee
B7T for Thatcher, that girl hath made a wreck out of Eme.
Old lady labelled B7me an idle, old Elady labelled B7me an idle
Old Elady labelled B7me an idle layaEbout. ALayaEbout. ALayaEbout.A E
All chords in this song (7)
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A Country Practice
by Half Man Half Biscuit
Chords in this song · guitar
D
Bm
C
Em
E
A
B7
[Intro]
D Bm D Bm
[Verse 1]
D Bm D Bm
I feel like a beggar accepting alms, then being pelted with figs.
D Bm D Bm
I study my steadily declining chart placings; they greet me with freezing cold inhospitality,
D Bm D Bm
Hey, where did that bloke go who said I was vital?
D Bm D Bm
I possess the mild air of a retail tobacconist, that’s because I’m a retail tobacconist
D Bm D Bm
But the mayflies on a Berkshire trout river would probably tell you a different story
D Bm
About ham-fisted diadems and momentary daydreams
D Bm
Of mythical dividends and illusory boardroom seats.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm C D D Bm D Bm
[Verse 2]
D Bm D Bm
In the room festooned with fat beef certificates from county shows
D Bm D Bm
Duff Leg Bryn had drank too much again, most of Wem was steering clear of him
D Bm D Bm
“I’ve got no time for this twelfth consecutive Rose Bowl”
D Bm D Bm
‘Cos on Sunday next at ten to four I’ve got an invitation for
D Bm D Bm
A trip round Kathrine Hamnett’s warehouse, followed by dinner with David Emanuel
D Bm D Bm
Who I can’t wait to tell about my dream in which the almost illegal Elton Welsby
D Bm D Bm
Is dressed as a French maid on a moonless byway, licking his lips as he creeps ever closer
D Bm D Bm
Fast falls the eventide, fast falls the eventide.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm C D D Bm D Bm D Bm D Bm
[Verse 3]
D Bm
The public appearance of bitter ex-soap stars
D Bm D Bm
Who thought they could go on and do other things besides
D Bm
The Centre Court amusement at the ballboy’s mishap
D Bm
That bobbing up and down thing that they do at the Proms
D Bm D
Opinionated weather forecasters telling me it’s going to be a miserable day
Bm D Bm
Miserable to who? I quite like a bit of drizzle, so stick to the facts.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm Em D Em D
[Verse 4]
Em D Em D
Channel Four presents “Blowjob” introduced by Adrian and Sophie Horn
Em D Em D
Who is of course one bloke with a pierced dick who’s just had the nod from Planet 24.
Em D Em D
Hear him say “surreal, bizarre, sad git, yes indeedy, completely and utterly
Em D Em D
Footy, anorak and respect” before whipping the audience up into doing the Time Warp.
Em D
Watch him take us live to “The Queen’s Arse and Firkin”
Em D
Where Joseph Bloggs And His Amazing Technicolor Shellsuit
Em D
Are about to abort their Steely Dan routine
Em D Em D
And instead embark upon fifteen minutes of mantra-filled oompah.
[Bridge]
N.C.
Fifteen minutes of mantra-filled oompah.
N.C.
Fifteen minutes of mantra-filled oompah.
Em D Em
Adrian stroke Sophie wants us, the viewers to ring in
D
And say how we think the punters will react.
Em D Em
These are a few of my favourite things.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm D Bm D Bm
[Verse 5]
D Bm
I’m incredibly bored with the word “millennium”
D Bm
I’m with the Jehovah’s Witnesses.
D Bm
Millions now earmarked will later be wasted
D Bm
Her Majesty, marvellous, Mother – The Musical.
D Bm
The fireworks lighting up the Houses of Parliament
D Bm
Death in Trafalgar Square, death in the armchair
D Bm
Of clichéd old spinsters who’ve never been loved.
[Verse 6]
D Bm D Bm
Every day is Australia Day, “Sons and Daughters” and “Home and Away”
D Bm
And then the news comes on and the sound goes down
D Bm
‘Cos she can’t be bothered with all them politicians
D Bm D Bm
They’re all just a bunch of flaming drongo’s.
D Bm
She died with her telly on, eighty-seven and confused
D Bm
With not enough hospital beds ‘cos all the money’s been used
D Bm
On the end of the century party preparations
D Bm
And they reckon that the last thing she saw in her life was
D Bm D Bm
Sting singing on the roof of the Barbican, Sting singing on the roof of the Barbican.
[Instrumental]
D Bm D Bm C D
[Outro]
E A E
T for Toxteth, T for Tennessee; T for Toxteth, T for Tennessee
B7 E
T for Thatcher, that girl hath made a wreck out of me.
B7 E B7
Old lady labelled me an idle, old lady labelled me an idle
E B7 E A E A E A E
Old lady labelled me an idle layabout. Layabout. Layabout.
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About A Country Practice Chords by Half Man Half Biscuit
Learn how to play A Country Practice by Half Man Half Biscuit with free guitar chords, lyrics, and interactive chord diagrams. Search for “A Country Practice chords”, “A Country Practice guitar chords”, or “Half Man Half Biscuit A Country Practice chords” and you will find this page — transpose to any key, tap chords for diagrams, and use auto-scroll while you play. Perfect for beginners looking for easy A Country Practice chords and for experienced players who want accurate A Country Practice lyrics and chords in one place. Common chords in this song include D, Bm, C, A, Em, E.
FAQ — A Country Practice by Half Man Half Biscuit
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