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The Unfortunate Gwatkin

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(intro)  G   Em   C   D(x4)
GI wandered aEmround to the back of the Cpetrochemical Dplant where they’d found Mr
GGwatkin’s jacket in Em19C74.   DSleeves turned inside out
GWith a tin of sweetcorn in Emeach pocket. CThe rumours surDrounding his disappearance
GAre many and varied. EmThough we should Cfor the time being at Dleast accept the version of
GEvents given to us by the Emlamentable chap himCself on his eventual Dreturn.G  Em  
In doing this Chowever, we must Dalso keep in our thoughts
The Gfindings of better Emminds who conCclude that Gwatkin Das-is no longer
GRepresents EmGwatkin as-was.C  D  G  Em  C  D  G  Em  C  D  
GPiecing together an ocEmcasional vague Csentence and some garbled Dchanting heard during the
GSmall hours, Emit appears that our Cvictim was making his Dway home from the Pessimist
GFestival in EmMollington when he was Cset upon by a Dgang of miscreants, the
GChief malefactor of Emwhom was a particularly Cvicious character Dgoing by the name of
GBridgedaleEm. So called on acCcount of a thermal Dsock with which he
GGloved his fist whenEmever he became tetchy and Cneeded to punch someDthink.G  Em  C  D  G  Em  C  D  
GUnable to comEmply with the rabble’s Chot tempered deDmands for unreasonable
GThings such as Emcathedral juice and Cvicar shit, the Dheavily pummelled
GInnocent was dragged into the Emchurchyard of St. CLawrence and Dthere left to his own
DeGvices next to the Emgrave of young CNelson Burt D– whose own tragic
GTale is of particular Eminterest to the Clocal historian.D  G  Em  C  D  
GIt is believed that within Emtwenty minutes of Cthis episode, Da further attack was witnessed by
GOne Slow EmDempsey of Woodside CFarm, Dwho alleged that he saw the
AGforementioned BridgeEmdale scuttle a full Cfour hundred Dfeet along the Wervin Turnpike
GTo deliver a Emperfect Haymaker onto a Cstray coltD.    G     Em    C     DThis afternoon I
GVisited Daniel EmGwatkin in the confined Cplace which he will probably Dnever leave.
GI was offered Emredbush tea and a Cfig roll. DThe pleasantry gave
GHope for lengthy disEmcourse but cheer was Cswiftly dismissed Das the pitiful subject
GProceeded to gaze out of a Emlarge window for Cwhat seemed like an Dage, before
GTurning around to Emfix me with pitch black Csockets which Dsimply said
G“Help me”.    Em    C       D   GThen came the song:Em  C  D  Am  Em  C  D  
GCresta!    Em    CWhat the Dfuck were we Gdrinking?Em  C  D  
GCresta!    Em    CWhat the Dfuck were we Gdrinking?Em  C  D  
GI write to Empeople, Cthey don’t  get Dback to me. GI write a Emsecond time, Cthey don’t reDply.
GTo ease the Emloneliness Cand pass the Dtime GI pace the Emroom, Cinventing Dbands;
GExperiEmmental trio Cfrom BorehamDwood – G‘Hall, Stairs and EmLanding’: Cthey’re really Dgood.
GScott VerEmplank Cdid not get Dback to me. GNewcombe and EmRoche, Cstill no resDponse.
GCongolesi EmUnsworth, CGlaswegian DRunes, Gthe singer’s Emgranddad Cwrites all the Dtunes.
GJodie EmMudd, Jodie CMudd, Jodie DMudd. GJodie EmMudd, Jodie CMudd, Jodie DMudd.
GUh-oh EmChongo! CIt’s Danger DIsland!G  Em  C  D  
GCresta!    Em    CWhat the Dfuck were we Gdrinking?
Jodie EmMudd, Jodie CMudd, Jodie DMudd.
GCresta!    Em    CWhat the Dfuck were we Gdrinking?Em  C  D  
GCresta!

All chords in this song (5)

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The Unfortunate Gwatkin

by Half Man Half Biscuit

Lyrics & chords · Original key

Chords in this song · guitar

G Em C D

(intro) (x4)

G Em C D

I wandered around to the back of the petrochemical plant where they’d found Mr

G Em C D

Gwatkin’s jacket in 1974. Sleeves turned inside out

G Em C D

With a tin of sweetcorn in each pocket. The rumours surrounding his disappearance

G Em C D

Are many and varied. Though we should for the time being at least accept the version of

G Em C D G Em

Events given to us by the lamentable chap himself on his eventual return.

C D

In doing this however, we must also keep in our thoughts

G Em C D

The findings of better minds who conclude that Gwatkin as-is no longer

G Em C D G Em C D G Em C D

Represents Gwatkin as-was.

G Em C D

Piecing together an occasional vague sentence and some garbled chanting heard during the

G Em C D

Small hours, it appears that our victim was making his way home from the Pessimist

G Em C D

Festival in Mollington when he was set upon by a gang of miscreants, the

G Em C D

Chief malefactor of whom was a particularly vicious character going by the name of

G Em C D

Bridgedale. So called on account of a thermal sock with which he

G Em C D G Em C D G Em C D

Gloved his fist whenever he became tetchy and needed to punch somethink.

G Em C D

Unable to comply with the rabble’s hot tempered demands for unreasonable

G Em C D

Things such as cathedral juice and vicar shit, the heavily pummelled

G Em C D

Innocent was dragged into the churchyard of St. Lawrence and there left to his own

G Em C D

Devices next to the grave of young Nelson Burt – whose own tragic

G Em C D G Em C D

Tale is of particular interest to the local historian.

G Em C D

It is believed that within twenty minutes of this episode, a further attack was witnessed by

G Em C D

One Slow Dempsey of Woodside Farm, who alleged that he saw the

G Em C D

Aforementioned Bridgedale scuttle a full four hundred feet along the Wervin Turnpike

G Em C D G Em C D

To deliver a perfect Haymaker onto a stray colt. This afternoon I

G Em C D

Visited Daniel Gwatkin in the confined place which he will probably never leave.

G Em C D

I was offered redbush tea and a fig roll. The pleasantry gave

G Em C D

Hope for lengthy discourse but cheer was swiftly dismissed as the pitiful subject

G Em C D

Proceeded to gaze out of a large window for what seemed like an age, before

G Em C D

Turning around to fix me with pitch black sockets which simply said

G Em C D G Em C D Am Em C D

“Help me”. Then came the song:

G Em C D G Em C D

Cresta! What the fuck were we drinking?

G Em C D G Em C D

Cresta! What the fuck were we drinking?

G Em C D G Em C D

I write to people, they don’t get back to me. I write a second time, they don’t reply.

G Em C D G Em C D

To ease the loneliness and pass the time I pace the room, inventing bands;

G Em C D G Em C D

Experimental trio from Borehamwood – ‘Hall, Stairs and Landing’: they’re really good.

G Em C D G Em C D

Scott Verplank did not get back to me. Newcombe and Roche, still no response.

G Em C D G Em C D

Congolesi Unsworth, Glaswegian Runes, the singer’s granddad writes all the tunes.

G Em C D G Em C D

Jodie Mudd, Jodie Mudd, Jodie Mudd. Jodie Mudd, Jodie Mudd, Jodie Mudd.

G Em C D G Em C D

Uh-oh Chongo! It’s Danger Island!

G Em C D G

Cresta! What the fuck were we drinking?

Em C D

Jodie Mudd, Jodie Mudd, Jodie Mudd.

G Em C D G Em C D

Cresta! What the fuck were we drinking?

Cresta!

About The Unfortunate Gwatkin Chords by Half Man Half Biscuit

Learn how to play The Unfortunate Gwatkin by Half Man Half Biscuit with free guitar chords, lyrics, and interactive chord diagrams. Search for “The Unfortunate Gwatkin chords”, “The Unfortunate Gwatkin guitar chords”, or “Half Man Half Biscuit The Unfortunate Gwatkin chords” and you will find this page — transpose to any key, tap chords for diagrams, and use auto-scroll while you play. Perfect for beginners looking for easy The Unfortunate Gwatkin chords and for experienced players who want accurate The Unfortunate Gwatkin lyrics and chords in one place. Common chords in this song include G, Em, C, D, Am.

FAQ — The Unfortunate Gwatkin by Half Man Half Biscuit

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The chords for "The Unfortunate Gwatkin" show the original chord names (including G, Em, C, D, Am). Use transpose to move the song into any key that fits your voice or capo.