{"source":"Free Chord Book","source_url":"https://www.free-chords.com","license_note":"Free for personal use. Lyrics and compositions © their respective songwriters and publishers.","tab_id":2078995,"song":"Bad Jokes","artist":"Garrison Keillor","content_type":"chord","tab_type":"Chords","url":"https://www.free-chords.com/song/11451947-bad-jokes-chords-by-garrison-keillor/","api_url":"https://www.free-chords.com/api/v1/songs/2078995?type=chord","rating":5,"votes":7,"content":"\"Bad Jokes\"\r\nBy Garrison Keillor; Performed by Woody Harrelson and John C. Reilly\r\nfrom \"Prarie Home Companion\"\r\n\r\nRecommended:  Skip some verses; do a different batch each time to keep it fresh.  There are 18 verses here!  \r\nPlaying with family?  Use the ratings to guide you.  \r\n* ratedG = safe for all, nothing worse than potty humor (5 total)\r\n* ratedPG = suggestive but okay for older kids (5 total)\r\n* ratedPG-13 = teenagers and up, depending on your views (6 total)\r\n* ratedR = sexually explicit (3 total)\r\nThe lyrics here mix the film version with the official Keillor version to include all possible jokes.\r\nSong is in D with a classic I-Iv-V blues pattern; commentary and banter between performers happens\r\nwhile holding a D chord.  Feel the rhythm of the first verse to get the chords for subsequent verses.\r\n\r\n[Intro]\r\nD    D/c  G/B   Bb7   [x2]\r\n[ch]D[/ch]    [ch]G[/ch]    [ch]A7[/ch]    [ch]D[/ch]\r\n \r\n[Verse 1] \r\n(ratedPG)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                      [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThe blind man's seeing eye dog[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                         [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nPissed on the blind man's shoe.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                             [ch]G[/ch]\r\nSo the blind man said, \"Here, Rover,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]                         [ch]D[/ch]\r\nHere's a chunk of beef for you.\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]G[/ch]\r\nAnd his wife said, \"Don't reward him[/tab]\r\n[tab]    [ch]D[/ch]              [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nFor peeing on you, dear.\"[/tab]\r\n[tab]   [ch]D[/ch]                    [ch]G[/ch]\r\nHe said, \"I'm trying to find out where's his mouth[/tab]\r\n[tab]         [ch]A7[/ch]              [ch]D[/ch]\r\nSo I can kick him in the rear.\"[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Chorus]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Lord how I love 'em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]G[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Can't get enough of 'em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]             [ch]G[/ch]\r\nOoo-oo-oooooo-wee[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]            [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES for me.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 2]\r\n(ratedPG-13)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nYou got one Dusty.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nI got one Lefty.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nLet's hear it.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nWhen God created Woman[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nShe had not two breasts but three[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nAnd the middle one got in the way[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nSo God performed surgery.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nAnd Woman stood in front of God[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nWith the middle breast in her hand[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nShe said, \"What can we do with the useless boob?\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nAnd God created Man.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Chorus]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Lord how I love ‘em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]G[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Can't get enough of ‘em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]             [ch]G[/ch]\r\nOoo-oo-oooooo-wee[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]            [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES for me.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 3]\r\n(ratedR)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nI turned eighty the other day[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nAnd everybody was there[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nAnd I was dressed up in a suit[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nSitting in my wheelchair[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nWhen a beautiful young naked woman[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nStood up in front of the group.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nShe offered me some super sex[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nAnd I said, \"I'll take the soup.\"[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Chorus]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Lord how I love 'em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]G[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Can't get enough of 'em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]\r\nDeath and sex and such bad taste,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]G[/ch]\r\nSomeone oughta slap my face[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]             [ch]G[/ch]\r\nOoo-oo-oooooo-wee[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]            [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES for me.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 4]\r\n(ratedPG)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nYou ready for another one?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nYea, lay it on me.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nOllie went to the neighborhood dance[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nAnd he won the big door prize[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nIt was a toilet brush and he took it home[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nAnd the next week one of the guys[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nSaid, \"Ollie's, how's that toilet brush?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nThe one you got from the neighbors?\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nAnd Ollie said, \"Oh, it works pretty good.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBut I think I'd rather use paper.\"[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Chorus]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Lord how I love 'em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]G[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Can't get enough of 'em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]             [ch]G[/ch]\r\nOoo-oo-oooooo-wee[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]            [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES for me.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]\r\nYou know the reason that farts smell[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]G[/ch]\r\nIs so deaf people can enjoy 'em as well[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]             [ch]G[/ch]\r\nOoo-oo-oooooo-wee[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]            [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES for me.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 5]\r\n(ratedR)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThe farmer had a champion bull[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nWho bred two hundred times a year.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThe farmer's wife said, \"Two hundred times![/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nIsn't that wonderful, dear?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nMaybe you ought to watch him,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nMaybe he'd show you how.\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThe farmer said, \"He's a heck of a bull[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBut it wasn't all with the same cow.\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nCome on now.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 6]\r\n(ratedG)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nMy mother turned 89[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nAnd much to our surprise[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nShe decided to get outdoors[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nAnd started to exercise.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nMother walked ten miles a day[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nAnd now she's 93.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nPoor old mother, we don't know[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nWhere on earth she could be.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 7]\r\n(ratedG)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nA German shepherd walks into a bar[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nAnd says \"Hey, I'm a talking dog.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nI know other dogs do tricks,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBut you ever hear one talk? I[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nHow about a drink for a dog[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nWho's articulate and erudite?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nAnd the bartender said, \"Sure,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nThe toilet's there, first door on the right.\"[/tab]\r\n\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nDid you hear that Xerox and Wurlitzer are merging? They are going to manufacture a reproductive organ.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[verse 8]\r\n(ratedG)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nLast night a man was murdered[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nIt was clearly no accident.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThey found him in the bathtub[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nFull of milk - two percent.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThere also were sliced bananas[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nBut this was the real chiller:[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThere were a hundred pounds of corn flakes.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nThey think it was a cereal killer.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 9]\r\n(ratedPG)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nA man walks into a restaurant[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nand he looks at the long menu[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nAnd finally the waiter comes around[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nAnd says, \"What can I do for you?\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\n\"How do you prepare your chickens?\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nSays the man. The waiter replies[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\n\"We don't do anything special.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nWe just tell 'em they're gonna die.\"[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Chorus]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Lord how I love 'em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]G[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Can't get enough of 'em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]             [ch]G[/ch]\r\nOoo-oo-oooooo-wee[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]            [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES for me.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 10]\r\n(ratedPG-13)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nYou gotta another one Dusty?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nActually I do.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nYou hear about the viagra shipment that got stolen?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nNo, who they think did that?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nWell they don't know,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nBut they are on the lookout for hardened criminals.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nYou got another one?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nI got another one Lefty.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 11]\r\n(ratedR)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nSven said to his friend, \"O, I think my wife died.\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nHis friend said, \"What do you mean you think?\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\n\"Well, the sex is still the same,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBut the dishes are stacking up.\"[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Bridge]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nHey Dusty.[/tab]\r\nYea Lefty.\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nDid you know that diarrhea was hereditary?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nNo, I didn't.[/tab]\r\nYea, it runs in your jeans.\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nHeya, Lefty.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nYea, go aheadin.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nWhy do they call it PMS?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nPMS, well I don't know why?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nMad cow was already taken.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nHey, Dusty.[/tab]\r\nYea, Lefty.\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nWhat do you get when you cross Holy water with castor oil?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nI don't know Lefty.  What do you get?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nA religious movement.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nHeya, Hey, Lefty.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nWhat did the elephant say to the naked man?[/tab]\r\nWhat did he say?\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nHe said, \"It's cute,[/tab]\r\nBut can you really breathe through that thing?\"\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nCome on[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 12]\r\n(ratedPG)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\n\"Mr. Jones, I have to complain[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nAbout your ten-year old son.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nHe's playing doctor with my daughter.\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nMr. Jones said, \"That's how it's done.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nKids explore sexuality.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nI don't see what's the matter.\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\n\"Exploring sexuality, hell.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nHe took out her gall bladder.\"[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 13]\r\n(ratedPG)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nMy daughter brought home a boyfriend[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nWith great big ugly tattoos[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nAnd long black greasy hair[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nAnd Lord how he hit the booze.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nI said, \"Darling, I'm sure he's nice,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nBut something makes me nervous.\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nShe said, \"He's extremely nice..[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nHe's doing 500 hours of community service.\"[/tab]\r\n\r\n[verse 14]\r\n(ratedPG-13)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThere was a man named Scraggs[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nBought two dozen condoms a week.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThe drugstore clerk said nothing for months[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nAnd finally she had to speak.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nWhat do you do with all those condoms?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nIt's simple, said Mr. Scraggs.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nI feed them to my poodle[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nNow she poops in plastic bags.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 15]\r\n(ratedPG-13)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nOne morning, the devil came to church,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nIn a burst of smoke and flame,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nHe ran up and down the aisle.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nHe said, \"Beelzebub is my name.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nI am evil incarnate,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nThe object of all your fears!\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThe old man said, \"You don't scare me at all,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBeen married to your sister for 48 years.\"[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 15]\r\n(ratedPG-13)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nTommy went to confession,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nHe said, \"Forgive me for I have sinned.\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nFather Murphy said, \"With whom?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nWas it Megan or Marilyn?[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nWas it Brenda, Fiona, or Kathy?\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nTommy just rattled his beads.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThe priest gave him four Our Fathers[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nAnd also five good leads.\"[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 16]\r\n(ratedPG-13)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nJim and John had to share a room[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nOne night in a hotel.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nJim said, \"I snore so bad.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nI doubt you'll sleep that well.\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nJohn kissed him on the cheek.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nHe said, \"Sweetheart, it's all right.\"[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nAnd Jim went and sat in a chair[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nAnd stayed awake all night.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 17]\r\n(ratedG)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nOle lay on his deathbed,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nHe knew he was going to die.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nAnd then he smelled a beautiful smell[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nOf Lena's rhubarb pie.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nHe crept downstairs to the kitchen,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nThere it was, he let out a moan.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThen Lena whacked him with a broom:[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nThat's for the funeral. Leave it alone.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[Verse 18]\r\n(ratedG)\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\n\"Darling, you've always been with me.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nOn life's long bumpy ride.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nThrough sickness, hair loss, bankruptcy,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nYou've been here by my side.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nMy heart attack and the house burning down[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                           [ch]A7[/ch]\r\nThat night the lightning struck.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]                [ch]G[/ch]\r\nAnd liver cancer - and now suddenly[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]               [ch]D[/ch]\r\nI'm starting to think that you're bad luck.\"[/tab]\r\n\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nThe nice thing about Alzheimer's, men,[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nYou enjoy the same jokes again and again[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nAnd again and again and again![/tab]\r\n\r\n[Chorus]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Lord how I love ‘em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]G[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Can't get enough of ‘em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]             [ch]G[/ch]\r\nOoo-oo-oooooo-wee[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]            [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES for me.[/tab]\r\n\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Lord how I love 'em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]G[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES, Can't get enough of 'em[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]             [ch]G[/ch]\r\nOoo-oo-oooooo-wee[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]A7[/ch]            [ch]D[/ch]\r\nBAD JOKES for me.[/tab]\r\n[tab][ch]D[/ch]\r\nHey![/tab]\r\n\r\n###","plain_text":"\"Bad Jokes\"\nBy Garrison Keillor; Performed by Woody Harrelson and John C. Reilly\nfrom \"Prarie Home Companion\"\n\nRecommended:  Skip some verses; do a different batch each time to keep it fresh.  There are 18 verses here!  \nPlaying with family?  Use the ratings to guide you.  \n* ratedG = safe for all, nothing worse than potty humor (5 total)\n* ratedPG = suggestive but okay for older kids (5 total)\n* ratedPG-13 = teenagers and up, depending on your views (6 total)\n* ratedR = sexually explicit (3 total)\nThe lyrics here mix the film version with the official Keillor version to include all possible jokes.\nSong is in D with a classic I-Iv-V blues pattern; commentary and banter between performers happens\nwhile holding a D chord.  Feel the rhythm of the first verse to get the chords for subsequent verses.\n\n[Intro]\nD    D/c  G/B   Bb7   [x2]\nD    G    A7    D\n \n[Verse 1] \n(ratedPG)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Chorus]\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 2]\n(ratedPG-13)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Chorus]\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 3]\n(ratedR)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Chorus]\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 4]\n(ratedPG)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Chorus]\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 5]\n(ratedR)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 6]\n(ratedG)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 7]\n(ratedG)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[verse 8]\n(ratedG)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 9]\n(ratedPG)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Chorus]\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 10]\n(ratedPG-13)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 11]\n(ratedR)\n\n\n\n\n\n[Bridge]\n\nYea Lefty.\n\n\nYea, it runs in your jeans.\n\n\n\n\n\n\nYea, Lefty.\n\n\n\n\n\nWhat did he say?\n\nBut can you really breathe through that thing?\"\n\n\n[Verse 12]\n(ratedPG)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 13]\n(ratedPG)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[verse 14]\n(ratedPG-13)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 15]\n(ratedPG-13)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 15]\n(ratedPG-13)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 16]\n(ratedPG-13)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 17]\n(ratedG)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Verse 18]\n(ratedG)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[Chorus]\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n###","chords":["C","D","G/B","Bb7","G","A7","A"],"chord_diagrams":{"A7":{"barres":[],"baseFret":1,"fingers":[0,0,1,0,2,0],"frets":[-1,0,2,0,2,0]},"D":{"barres":[],"baseFret":1,"fingers":[0,0,0,1,3,2],"frets":[-1,-1,0,2,3,2]},"G":{"barres":[],"baseFret":1,"fingers":[2,1,0,0,0,3],"frets":[3,2,0,0,0,3]}}}